My Story: What Led me to a Year-long Solo Backpacking Adventure in South America

It all started when I watched movies about trekking in the wild. I saw myself doing something similar, yet with no faith a miracle like this could happen. No faith I would be supported by family nor know how to budget, journey, and plan in a foreign country with foreign languages and customs.

Well, let me back it up.

. . . 

It all truly started on November 13th, 2020 when I discovered the corpse of a loved one post-suicide, concluding a human experience. A gorgeous being's life metamorphized into energy, leaving me questioning not only life as a whole but especially my life and identity. I now believe that all deaths can be seen as a form of suicide on this human plane. If it's predetermined that this is the exit route, it shouldn’t glorify weakness. That day changed countless lives and set me on a path of solitude, peace, love, and light—a lifelong journey of spirituality.

It’s without a doubt that November 13th was the death of the beloved Charles Himmelrich, but it was the death of Chelsey too, and I respectfully feel that part that died within me deserved to be let go of. 

Sitting atop Charles in his car, moments after his life had just ended hoping it wasn’t exactly what it was, was the most moving experience of my life. Other than what I was physically and sensually experiencing, I will never forget what was going through my head. Shockingly, in the most calming, inspirational, and loving energy, the only voices that came through to me were: 

“Who do you want to be Chelsey? This is your chance to start anew Chelsey. What is it that you want in this life? Who is it that you want to become?”

In the midst of pure horror and what caused deep PTSD for the following months, it was in those moments where I reached for the universe's heart and said “I want to be Chelsey Grace. I want to be me.”

. . . 

Being “Chelsey Grace” at the time didn’t have a profound foundation that was self-created. But because of those car moments with this so-called energy or angels that were flowing through me with inspiration and love, I knew I wasn't alone. I knew that if something so warm, comforting, and gentle came to me in those moments, this was going to be a journey exactly surrounded by that energy - only if I could allow it and surrender to it. 

I was 19 years old, a sophomore at the University of Miami with a label of “that girl's boyfriend committed suicide.” As always, the news spread like wildfire and the majority of my community, surrounding communities, other universities, and friends of friends of friends knew what had happened. I was receiving messages from across the nation and becoming “known” for what I would never in a million years wish upon my worst energy. 

I had a choice.

Was this label going to drown me or enlighten me?

Most likely, you can guess what route I took. See, the thing with labels is that we confine ourselves, and shorten our potential into just a few words so we can fit into the understanding terms of society and ultimately understand ourselves. It’s easier to say “I am this" or "I am that” versus being raised in a world where reading and feeling into energy is a 6th sense - since we all have it in us.

A typical example is when somebody walks into the room, carrying either positive or negative vibes. We can all feel that. Maybe we don't pay attention to it but it's a feeling we all have in the deep corners of our bodies. 

When we are raised to trust everything outside of us and be taught externally how to fight or fight, we have no idea what it truly means to trust our hearts and intuition, let alone forge an internal relationship with “I”.

“I” is an identity and everything we say after this “I” is manifested and constantly creating our reality. It’s dangerous to use “I” and attach labels afterward that confine us rather than help us transform and grow. It’s the low vibrational words such as "stupid, ugly, fat, fearful, gross, unworthy, anxious, etc." that when negatively used towards ourselves to describe our potential is where we lack a whole lot of love. 

As I said earlier reading energy is a 6th sense, the only way to even uncover this gem within us is to be able to perceive love; give love, accept one, feel worthy of love, understand we come from love and, as far as I am aware, enter this Earth only knowing love. It is fear, judgment, shame, guilt, and hate that are taught to us, that are installed in our brains from young that prohibit our 6th sense of love. We genuinely believe as a society that we need to work hard to be loved, to fit into certain categories to be loved, to look a certain way to be loved, to have a certain amount of money to be loved. But if you really just sit back and place a hand on your heart, you will realize that love is already there. Each thump and pump your heart gives is a loving energy. With each breath we experience, you will realize the thing keeping us alive, and stringing humanity along is our hearts - the true symbol of love, already within us. 

With this notion, I knew what needed to be done was to start over - completely. I almost looked at my life like I was back in preschool, yet this time conditioning my existence that I would live my life with my heart this time. 

. . . 

At the time, we had a full house on 86 Prospect. It was not only my mom, dad, and brother living there but my aunt and cousin recently moved in due to divorce circumstances. 

It was a regular afternoon and my family was in the kitchen when a phone call came through to hear my screams and terror. Crying, near vomiting, for help post finding Charlie, my father grabbed a few things and jumped on the next flight out without a second thought. It was that phone call that prepared my family for my immediate return home from university and an unknown road we were all going to walk together.

That’s the thing about my family which this situation taught us and really shed light on: we needed each other more than ever to continue forward. 

Before my father got to me within a few short hours, I had a dreadful conversation with the homicide officer and was told by my friends to take a shower while my bags were packed with my favorite clothing items of Charles.

This shower was pivotal.

I could see the journey ahead and I didn’t want it. I was sitting on the floor of my shower, door open, with my friend sitting right next to me holding my hand. Staring at the wall ahead of me and hoping the water would cleanse what my eyes just saw, the scariest voices started pouring through…Did I want to end my life too? Did I want to join Charlie wherever he was? Did I deserve to be alive without him? Shouldn’t he deserve this spot move?

In my head, I saw my hand wrapped around a gun pointed at my mouth. I saw it and felt it. I felt the cold metal with my lips wrapped around it. The one question that really shook me to my core: Am I worth living for? 

. . .

A Xanax was slipped into my mouth and I was hand in hand walked to the hotel next door. For the first time since I was 6 years old, I slept next to my father under his arm, weeping for this unknown journey ahead…

. . .

The flight home was another miserable experience. I couldn’t even stand up in the airport. At any chance I had, I was sitting on the floor with my head down in my lap weeping. My father took care of everything from checking the bags and helping me get through security because I had no life within me. I was so scared of what had just happened and had no energy to even begin to understand what was happening. I also knew that once I saw my mother I was going to break down even more, if there was anything left to break down. A ring with his name on it had already been ordered to my home in Chicago and most of my friends were already on their way home as well. In the shortest terms possible, every single person close to me was freaking the fuck out. My sister booked a flight home too, as well as my grandparents, and with everybody, literally and figuratively, dropping everything because Chelsey was in some deep shit, I saw how much love surrounded me. 

I saw how much love would be lost if I ever decided to do something to myself. I saw, because of how much love surrounded me, that no matter what, that within itself is a reason to continue. 

So, it was in those moments that I realized, yes, I am worth living for. 

Chelsey Grace is worth living for.

. . .

The routine of sleeping in between my parents because I thought someone was coming to kill me, waking up in the middle of the night to remember the smell of his car and what his face looked like, a shopping spree at lush and nightly baths later, I was reminded to eat, brush my teeth, take short walks to the beach nearby for fresh air, play with animals, go to private boxing classes with my favorite trainer from high school, and being reminded to literally breathe from everybody around me, I was 110% taken care of.  

With this fortune of being in a safe environment while healing, since it’s the most important above all during grieving periods, I was able to focus my attention internally, aka my spiritual voyage that was starting to fuse. 

From authors like Joe Dispensa and Laura Lynn Jackson, I realized in one way or another that I am God and I can and will create my own reality. One of my best friend's mothers invited me over to paint and when I walked out she handed me a book about the human chakras which further expanded my world. Discovering holistic practices from Hinduism and Buddhism, and the most important element of all was my spiritual healer Hayley Evans. I spent most of my time at home devoting the energy I had to unwind who I was into the person I wanted to be. 

I came into contact with a “real” therapist but because she told me Zoloft was one of the only ways to get through this, I knew that type of therapy was NEVER going to work for me. Respectfully, Respectfully, everything this woman said felt wrong. Everybody around me, including my family and friends, kept insisting I needed this type of therapy to "actually" heal. There was no way I could heal while being told he had demons, which was why he killed himself. Maybe this works for others, but this was sure as hell not working for me. While we shall never know what happened, that was something that was not sitting well with me. This type of therapy made me feel like a victim. 

Instead, I healed on the belief, because of my spiritual healer Hayley, this wasn’t happening to me but for me—that he had taught the lessons he needed to. It felt like the golden gates to my soul opened but I instructed to walk through them alone. It was because of Hayley's words and truth that felt right in my soul that I began my healing process not only from this horrific incident but from all the times I doubted myself, let others define me, be in constant fight or flight, have my worth be in the hands of others, diminish my light and follow the given timeline of life because it's what we're told to do instead of inspiring for the road less traveled. 

. . .

I ended up finishing that 2020 fall term with fine grades and help from my friends on exams and closing assignments. Most of my teachers gave me an “A” and said “Take care of yourself,” but I had one professor tell me I either finish the class or push it off for the following semester. At the moment, I thought he was a total dick for doing this. He is known to be a tough professor and this was my first business school course since marketing had piqued my interest. But because he invited me to a Zoom call shortly after Charlie’s passing to make sure I was in a proper environment, and because Charlie was also one of his students in the same Marketing course as me, I took his courageous offer and opted to finish the class. I felt like I was doing it for Charlie and me, considering the fact that a lot of our time together in the early phases of our relationship was because of this class. He was a senior who was about done with school and I was a sophomore who dedicated a majority of my time to my studying (and partying). So for this reason, not only did I finish the course and study for that final exam through my tears and grief, but I ended up with an A in one of the hardest classes I’ve ever taken at this university. When I saw my final grade I dropped to the ground hysterically crying because I was proud to have persevered and I could feel Charlie smiling down on me. 

Beautiful girls can do hard things.

. . .

I knew I was without a doubt going to return back for the 2021 spring term but a lot of changes were needed. I switched my major from Media Management which deals with creating and executing a variety of marketing and advertising, aka managing media, to Human and Social Development. Human and Social Development aims to train leading thinkers, professionals, and future scholars in innovative, scientific, and practical approaches to promoting healthy development and well-being (University of Miami, B.S.Ed.)." It was a pleasure to dedicate my studies to the interconnectedness of healthy development and well-being knowing I was surrounded by aspiring future leaders. There was nothing more empowering than that energy and the energy of our fearless leaders; Scotty Evans, Todd Warner, and Laura Kohn Wood, who accepted me, helped me transform, and taught our cohort about the world in a mutual-aid manner, that if we don't start by helping each other first, we will never get anywhere. 

If Charlie’s passing showed me anything, it was how much I care for humans and want to devote my life to helping humanity. For the people who knew me before, witnessing this transformation was bewildering. I took a full 180 from this overly hyper, ADHD prescribed, materialistic, bratty, and truthfully, extremely bitchy, to this down-to-earth, modest, calm, inspirational, confident, yoga enthusiastic, and happy when journaling type of girl. I was still Chelsey but Chelsey now had a different energy. 

. . .

I became more possessive and territorial of my energy because if you aren’t going to protect your peace, who will?

I hung out with fewer people because this awakening was showing me how crucial it is to surround yourself with authentic people as you are/will become your environment. This period was especially important to befriend those who treat me how I treat myself.

Let me repeat that.

I wanted to befriend those who treat me how I treat myself. Because I was showering myself in love, I requested from the universe to be around individuals whose language grew from love: not jealousy, gossip, backstabbing, lying, competitive, and superficial energy. I needed to be around people whose soul strives upward for the better good of humanity, enlightenment, and growth. 

At age 19-20, and at the University of Miami, this may seem like a lot to ask for but the universe delivered, like it always does. 

In the summer of 2021, I was accepted on a two-month summer program that helped me move to Tel Aviv, Israel with a job assisting refugees with learning English. With my housing, weekend trips, transportation, and lunch all paid for, I had the best damn summer of my life. 

I started to kiss boys and consume alcohol again since Charlie's passing and instead of running away and wanting to cry, I absolutely lived for it. It got me back into the game and let me tell you, I slayed that summer. From kissing Israelis, to Americans and Europeans, I felt alive and back in touch with my sexuality. Not only was this fantastic for my well-being but I walked out of that summer with nine new girlfriends, who were authentic, honest, real, loving, and funny. 

Returning back to school for my junior year with these nine new girlfriends reconstructed and saved my social life at the University of Miami - beyond thankful is an understatement. 

And, that’s how it went! With my new friend group, I was invigorated and the best part about junior year was that my new roommate, Nina, was a day-one friend from growing up. Both wanted to live it up at the “U”, after what I went through and friend realizations on both ends, we knew rooming together was zero question. Both of us needed a home away from home outside our bedroom doors at all times. Especially in college, and growing up in general, stability is what we crave and need and other than learning to provide that for myself, Nina and I gave each other that comfort. 

To go to sleep at night knowing she was right there helped me sleep better. Not only did Nina hold my hand the semester after Charlie’s passing but at the end of the day, she was the only hand I wanted to hold. As college went on, we flocked to different social scenes but through each new phase, realization, solitude, and schedule I went through, she cheered me on. You know they are a true friend that no matter what happens they will defend you and never speak about you poorly in your absence. 

. . .

For the second term of my junior year, I took my talents to Florence, Italy dedicating a semester to studying Art History Renaissance and exploring Europe for half a year. Being abroad was another uncomfortable yet enriching phase in my life as I was still navigating the early stages of learning who I am and healing. 

One of the most important moments that happened to me during this time was my mushroom trip in Amsterdam. 

Yes, my mushroom trip in Amsterdam - such a cliché. 

At the time, and something I discovered about myself, was my passion for writing. I was posting quite frequently on a platform called Medium and the one story I was afraid to post was “The Discovery of Herself.” It is my story of the in-depth journey I went through on the day of finding Charlie in his car, our intimate relationship, and my awakening. I was holding this story back because I was nervous about how people would react, showing me how much of my life I have lived in the eyes of others. On that trip, I saw a full futuristic download of how that summer I was going to magically move to Amsterdam with my roommate from Florence, Alli, which was going to cause a gigantic feud within my family. This feud was going to be rooted in the illusion that I was going to be mistaken for a runaway child; not getting a job, not building up my paper resume, and not moving to a big city and making money. 

At first, I didn’t know if what I was seeing was 100% true but when I told Alli about us moving there that summer, she confirmed she saw the same thing.

. . .

Delivering the news to my family certainly started a feud. In fact, it tore my father, brother, and me apart for some time. They looked at me like I was going crazy and every time I tried to explain myself, I looked worse. I got into this rebellion stealing phase while abroad in which my brother caught me, so this didn’t help my case. I also needed to make it home for my sister's bachelorette, my family was going through a lot, and something about my situation in Florence didn't sit right with them. I told myself that everything I stole was made from forced child labor so it was okay I was doing it. But, I learned rather quickly that this was not my truth or energy and vowed to never do something like this again.

They didn't trust I could handle myself out there and thought I was using Amsterdam to escape and use drugs. For this reason, my parents cut me off for the summer and said it was up to me to figure it out. This was a challenge accepted because I knew in my heart and soul Amsterdam was going to be very intentional and would build up that "internal resume."

It was the first time in my life I taught myself to budget, cook, and take care of my mental, physical, emotional, and spiritual well-being all on my own. What this summer did for me was invaluable. Getting hooked on yoga, working through the discomforts of budgeting, exploring the glorious city of Amsterdam, reading fantastic literature, letting my heart manifest its desires, and coming home that much more in touch with myself helped me advance years in just two short months. 

I trusted my heart, even though I looked crazy to my family, and sat through a three-hour conversation with my dad when they visited me in Florence speaking in radical terms to prove I was capable of this. To sit there and combat his ludacris “what ifs” was difficult, but I didn't stop going back and forth until he had no more to say.

That night when I closed my eyes in bed I wept myself to sleep because I was so proud of myself for standing my ground. The old Chelsey would have surrendered and said you're right and canceled everything. But this new Chelsey promised herself she would follow her heart, no matter how crazy, ludacris, and weird her dreams come off. This summer proved to me, and my family, that if I have my heart set on something, no matter what, I will follow through. 

I now see Amsterdam as a stepping stool to a year-long solo backpack adventure in South America which I needed to have another long conversation with my dad about. But at the end of the day, I know he wants to keep his baby girl safe. 

. . .

This story, a year-long solo backpacking adventure in South America was never something I saw for myself. This much solitude frightens people. But yet again, I never saw 99% of what happened to me coming and my presence alone is serenity. I thought I was going to move to India and teach English for a year via Fulbright but only made it to the semi-finalists. But, sitting here over a year later, I am blessed to have had a year of my heart's freewill manifestations. 

The reason why backpacking was such a big deal to me was because I knew this was going to be a passion turned into a business: Postcards from Chelsey. I knew this wasn’t going to be a year of shits and gigs or spring-breaker vibes, but again, another intentional voyage where it would set me up greatly for the future. 

In my fifth journal on June 7th, 2023, I wrote:

“This next chapter is dedicated for me to do what I know I love; write, connect, be on my own, experience peace, and watch miracles happen in front of my eyes every single day. Every decision I make will be with 100% trust and confidence. My writing, wisdom, confidence, and quality of life will skyrocket. This next chapter is going to be how the rest of my life goes. I am creating my own path, unlocking opportunities no one has ever seen before. I will be so intellectually brilliant about diversity, religions, and unique ways of life. I will be vibrantly spiritual and as some may say “god-like”. I will be known as the most beautiful and compassionate human of our time. My job will be working for myself because I will write, educate, heal, and empower humanity. My tool belt will be unmatched. I will be able to connect with anyone who crosses my path. I will expose the beauty each and every human, culture, language, and country holds but is kept a secret to generate more money, fear, and power. I will unlock the easiest way to live and love ourselves/one another. I will share my journey through writing but also use my voice through social media platforms because the internet was made for me. This next journey is what I came here to do. 

You are Chelsey Grace Jacobs 

- THE CHELSEY GRACE JACOBS - ”

. . .

Before I told anybody, I checked flights to Buenos Aires. Why Buenos Aires? I’ll never know…It’s just what my heart said. With miles, it said my flight would cost around 5 USD. So, I booked a one-way ticket to Buenos Aires leaving NYC on July 17th, 2023. 

Because of the fear I had about my family's responses, most of this was conducted behind their backs, but I luckily had the help of my roommate's dad and my spiritual healer. 

We all know forgiveness is better than permission but I knew there was no permission to be granted from an outside source. It was another heart calling and that means there's no turning back no matter the fear from others. 

Mostly, I thought my father was going to hate me - not getting a job and making an income in the way an income should look. I was even more nervous my brother would ramble too much to my dad and make him even more scared. I didn’t want my dad to think I was this failure because I wasn’t taking the route my brother and sister took, nor do I think I ever will.

My journey is as much a learning lesson for my family. The main difference between my mom and dad is that my mom understands this “unseen” world and actively feeds into her own psychic abilities. My mom knew, despite all the “what ifs” that I would be okay; that I have angels, especially Charlie watching over me. Of course, she prays for my safety and health every night, but I know with or without Charlie and my angels, and despite being a woman, that I am more than capable of taking care of myself, with or without a man in my life. 

I say this because society makes us believe we need a man to protect us and provide for us. That women aren’t as strong without a man. What I know is that I am my own shining armor. There is nobody who is going to ride in on a horse and save me. I am the only person who can save me. I am the main person I need in order to live life fully. 

I don’t like to rely on others, especially when it comes to my own safety and health. I have trained myself to be present and show up for myself at all hours of the day. To me, relying on others is frightening. We build these expectations and nothing hurts more than being disappointed by the ones we love. For this reason, I expect things of myself: presence, grounding, nurturing, healing, cooking, showing up as myself, independence, and taking care of my emotional, mental, physical, and spiritual well-being. I rely on myself to be safe. I rely on myself to not put me in a dangerous situation and my gut and intuition would call out if something starts to turn. I have a body that is beyond intelligent enough to tell me if danger is ahead - we all have this within us.

We are all gods living in our own worlds. We have the power to not only protect ourselves but our tribe. We can be there for one another and together create a world where we are responsible for ourselves, our words, our actions and our life. It’s not getting us anywhere when we place our trust more in others than ourselves. 

We will create a world where we know together is better. I am the world in the way I am. I am the world in whatever way I show up for myself. No matter what we look like or believe in, humanity goes deeper. It goes so deep to the point that we are merely just reflections of one another. 

I am a reflection of you. 

. . .

Written in my sixth journal on July 23, 2024:

"It's really crazy you know - time. I am sitting here an entire freaking year later yet I am experiencing life in a new way with new perspectives and boundaries. I feel different.

I've scaled mountains, watched sunrises from trekking in the desert of Brazil, saw sunsets from the bottom of Argentina in Ushuaia to the top of Colombia in Cartagena. I've tried all kinds of foods and even caught salmonella. I've discovered when I'm present, I turn into a god. I've been to Easter Island, the Galapagos, and am now sitting on a plane to Fernando de Noronha. Half the places I've been I have never heard of but that's the beauty in not having a plan. I've started my own business, I am a writer, I've failed, succeeded, got scammed, got free things, and almost cried once because my laundry cost me so much when it was really 7 USD. My whole perception of money and the things we "need" has radically changed. I've never been so minimal in my entire life. I've never wanted to have the least amount of possessions. Hell, I even left my 65 L REI backpack in Rio de Janeiro for my last two months at a friend's place and am traveling out of a Jansport pack. I have 2 pairs of shoes, 1 sweatshirt, 9 pairs of underwear, 4 shirts, 3 bottoms, a few camis and athletic wear, 2 bathing suits, 2 towel, a computer, camera, water bottle, tote, and my pens of course. Just this and I have never been this happy in my entire life. I've made it over a god damn year traveling alone in South America. And this isn't even the end! When I look back, I see how every damn move I've made was so beyond perfect. I met the people I needed to meet, budgeted yet TLC when desired, four volunteering opportunities, sleeping in hammocks, cleaning toilets, dancing to Brazilian funk, singing karaoke all over SA, getting my phone stolen, catching salmonella, and being a Gringa that sticks out like a sore thumb. Taking a 3-day cargo ship, camping in the Amazon for 5 days, a 4-day trek in Patagonia alone where I broke my body, a 3-day trek in the desert of Brazil, thrifting new clothes every so often, and donating what I have. Just this one year I have stories of a lifetime. Now, I am in my 23rd year. I've accomplished so much in 23 years and can't even fathom what life will look like in 23 more years but I will say this: I hope to leave the world a better place, embracing love and miracles in every moment. I want to travel confidently, feel inspired, and stay true to myself. Life doesn’t require hard work to be beautiful; it requires following my heart. At 23, I understand the secrets of life. I love you, Chelly."

With love and peace,

Chelsey Grace