Alchemizing Grief into Gold: The Alchemist by Paul Coelho

As I was sitting in the bathroom with my one-of-a-kind roommate, Izzy, she looked at me and said, “So I was just in the elevator with Charlie taking Mookie out, and umm, he asked me if there's a possibility of you guys happening or something…”

For a fact, I looked at her and felt this electric shock start from the tip of my left finger, go all the way up my arm, to my shoulders, and then down to the tip of my right finger. I started to cry because it was the most beautiful feeling I have ever felt.

Looking back, it was the pure Language of the World.

The Alchemist by Paul Coelho states, “At that moment, it seemed to him that time stood still, and the Soul of the World surged within him…He learned the most important part of the language that all the world spoke — the language that everyone on earth was capable of understanding in their heart. It was love. Something older than humanity, more ancient than the desert” (Coelho 88).

It appears to me, now, that I was electrified with love. No words needed to be spoken because the Language of the World does not require that. As I was crying, I knew I wanted to kiss him but I was fearful. Fearful knowing that once I started with Charlie, I would not be able to stop.

And that's exactly what happened…From that night of October 3rd and on we were inseparable. We were inseparable before that but once the intimacy line was crossed, it was pure love and light from one another.

Ever since that night, we found ourselves always wanting to be around each other — as did my roommate. We found Charlie to be the most entertaining, humble, and goofy person we have ever come into contact with. His unapologetically opened heart made our hearts want to join the party as well!

It was the intimate moments, very late at night, where Charlie and I were able to stare into the eyes of each other with nothing to distract us.

The Alchemist states, “When two such people encounter each other, and their eyes meet, the past and the future become unimportant. There is only that moment...” (Coelho 89).

When together, it felt like that moment. We were able to read each other so well because we were in the Language of the Universe and when you are in that language, everything makes sense. Before bed, Charlie would lay his hand in the middle of my chest to feel my heartbeat. His hand on that exact spot was our currency of love. He would rest his hand there until we fell asleep. Without even knowing it, his magical and positive strength was making a route to my heart. My heart was able to open like his because of love — a language we all have within us.

Charlie's eyes showed the strength of his soul, and in a very profound way, he resembles what it means to be an alchemist: “They show that, when we strive to become better than we are, everything around us becomes better, too” (Coelho 143).

Charlie’s entire aura resembled this. He strived to be the best person in the room and because of that, he attracted authentic relationships.

It is both my honor and duty to refrain from casting light on the way his life ended, for I believe in my journey of healing, I convinced myself that it was simply his time to depart from this reality. He shared the lessons he needed to share. In one way or another, we all meet our predetermined fate at the end of our lives. While Charlie's departure may have been self-induced, death by accident, illness, or old age could also be seen as a form of departure from this dimension—just without oneself as the instigator of the final fall.

On November 13th, everyone, including myself, witnessed Charlie's essence vanish. Discovering Charlie in such a state understandably shattered my heart and left me trapped in a grim box of trauma: the trauma of encountering a face covered in unrecognizable blood. Receiving affection easily from a soul that provided the love my heart yearned for was no longer there in the moment my heart yearned for it most.

Nothing in the world made sense to me. Why would it?

The trauma that everybody, including myself, endured left us speechless and helpless.

The world not making sense was a moment of connection with my soul. With the fate of my life in the palm of my hands, I had a choice. Which direction would I want to take? Self-discovery or a life of helplessness? Choosing the route of my heart in this situation felt like a double healing process; healing through the trauma of losing Charlie and the trauma of what made my soul so quiet all those years. The Alchemist says that courage is the quality most essential to understanding the Language of the World. I chose courage, I chose self-discovery, and I chose to follow my heart.

With that path in mind, I needed to turn the PTSD into something beautiful. I needed to use my imagination. From this experience, creativity was at the forefront of my healing process. When I have those vivid PTSD moments, I have now trained my mind to envision angels surrounding the car, holding his hand through it all. I envision the gun as a guiding light, much less harmful than it actually was. When I envision his body in that state, I now see his loving smile, charming heart, and arms open saying “Come give me a hug, Chelly!” When I think of the entire experience, the suffering, I now think of rainbows, butterflies, and lions surrounding the space. I see the dark blue car as a rainbow school bus that is on the road called "the Langauge of the Universe." The parking garage in our apartment is now floating on clouds in the heavens. Charlie is now within the Language of the Universe and I am riding on that journey in the magical school bus with him.

Creativity saved my life. Using my imagination, which my inner child could speak through and heal, doubled the amount of healing I experienced. My imagination turned my grieving process into something bright and meaningful, instead of dark and helpless.

I alchemized my trauma into pure gold.

“Everyone has his or her own way or learning things,” he said to himself. “His way isn’t the same as mine, nor mine as his. But we’re both in search of our destinities, and I respect him for that” (Coelho 80).

That experience and the help of The Alchemist taught me that my only obligation here is to realize my destiny. Because of the gold I alchemized, I understand the world in a much more powerful light. I understand that it is just not humans who have souls. Everything on this earth has a soul, no matter the solidity, form, or beat. I understand that everything on this earth is constantly evolving, impactful, and everlasting. Everything matters.

I feel just like the boy in The Alchemist: “I never realized that people were capable, at any time in their lives, of doing what they dream of" (Coelho 23).

Death doesn't change anything. The only thing that gets in between your destiny is the fear of failure. Death proved to me that I am capable of reaching my destiny in this life, no matter the pain, sacrifice, or misfortune I run into. Death proved to me that I, Chelsey Grace Jacobs, am an alchemist. I thank The Alchemist by Paul Coelho for providing me with these tools for my grief and trauma.

I can turn anything into gold merely with the power of my heart

Xoxo,

Chelsey